Sheldon Adelson Should Forget Online Gambling and Fight to Ban This Instead

There is a scourge spreading across the country that has the potential to turn America’s youth into a generation of problem gamblers. If we do not stand up and stop this dead in its tracks there could be a casino in every kids pocket and available in every home.

I know what you’re thinking, “But Steve, I thought you were in favor of legalizing and regulating online gambling?” Yes, yes I am. But the scourge I am speaking if is far more pervasive and far more available to our children: Playing cards.

Think about it; a ban on playing cards makes far more sense than a ban on online gambling –***this is perhaps the only line of this article that isn’t dripping with sarcasm by the way.***

Here are some facts you may not known about playing cards:

1. There is no age requirement to buy them and they cost only a few dollars. Virtually anyone can buy playing cards no questions asked.
2. A pack of playing cards is smaller than a cell phone, they can be concealed and brought anywhere –I have personally seen playing cards used at schools, libraries, and weddings
3. Playing cards are often purchased with the sole intention of playing poker and blackjack for money
4. Some kids have been known to binge drink while playing a card game called “asshole” which could lead to not only problem gambling, but also alcoholism and general potty mouth
5. I have heard horror stories of kids stealing from their parent’s change jars to purchase playing cards. As an aside, this is also the reason I am for a ban on wiffle balls which become lost or broken far too easily and often leads to petty theft, begging, or even panhandling
6. “Black Market” playing cards can be purchased that are marked allowing for cheating
7. Kids often conceal the monetary nature of their card games by using something called “chips” instead of money, and are able to gamble in plain sight, even in plain view of adults

I know what you’re going to say, “But Steve, couldn’t we just require people be 21 years of age to purchase playing cards? Why ban something millions of people use and enjoy just because some bad apples are at risk or will exploit it?”

Here is why regulating playing cards simply won’t work:

• Kids are ingenious these days and will outsmart any regulation you put in place. For instance, they have been known to purchase “fake” ID’s on the black market and buy illicit products.
• We cannot trust parents to keep their playing cards safe and secure in their home and out of the hands of their children.
• Do you really trust the clerk at the local convenience store to be diligent enough to prevent playing cards from getting into the hands of minors, or to be able to spot a fake ID?
• Kids will also use what they call a “buyer” which I am told is a person over 21 who purchases items for them, often for a fee. Which sounds quite criminal.
• Regulation was attempted in England in 1628 (seriously, look it up), which turned out to be a massive failure as “black market” providers flooded the market with shoddy decks, paying the crown no taxes on their illegal card production.
• I’ve also created a detailed scenario at my website ImplausibleCollussionScenarios.com detailing how a player could lose $100 to another player at a kitchen table and there is no financial record of the transaction. The money is basically laundered at will. Imagine if a drug dealer or a terrorist cell bought hundreds of packs of playing cards and funded all of the home poker games? Money could be laundered anywhere, anytime, and I’m not willing to live in a world like that.

Casinos are our only hope

No, the only answer is to ban all playing cards. Except in casinos, there is nothing bad that can come from gambling in casinos; trust me I’ve seen the commercials, everyone looks quite happy.

Casinos are diligent in looking out for problem and underage gamblers. True story, I was once carded at a casino, and from age 21 on I’ve been maybe 1,000 times, so 1 time in 1,000 seems like a good ratio.

Casinos also look out for people who have imbibed one too many of the free drinks they offer out of the goodness of their heart –although come to think of it I’ve never seen someone get cut off; I think you have to pass out for that to happen.

And casinos allow you to bet thousands, sometimes millions of dollars on a single hand, so only rich people who can afford to lose money go to casinos.

Frankly, if we do not immediately ban the production of playing cards we could be breeding a whole new generation of gamblers. Gamblers that will not have the safety and protection of a casino environment to protect them from themselves.

See how stupid a ban on online gambling sounds?

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